When It's Time To Stop "The Courtship" (Proposal) Phase of Wooing a Client and Move On

As an independent contractor who successfully ran one of Santa Barbara's leading wedding planning businesses for almost 20 years, and did so as a single mother with no financial support from outside sources, I have learned how to get creative and more importantly know intimately about the "grit" of having to stay with the proposal process and wooing potential clients because it was my survival.  During that time, with 600+ successful weddings under my belt, I learned a thing or two about the proposal process with clients, knowing when to walk, and when to stick with it.  Bottomline:  it is a lot of gut instinct and that gut instinct is born from experience.  

This is the story of one recent example.  A would-be hospitality client was referred to me for marketing consultation for my Engaging Inspiration division.  I was reflecting on how far I'd come since first starting out on the art of gently, diplomatically and swiftly putting an end to the wasteful back-and-forth with would-be clients who haven't demonstrated that the relationship will be mutually-beneficial.  I liken it to the same thing as dating relationships:  it is simply reading other people, knowing yourself, what you are worth, standing up for it, and having the moral courage to love everyone (including yourself) enough to only allow those people and situations in your life where there is mutual benefit.


This particular story went like this:  I was recommended to the owner of a long-time Santa Barbara establishment who, in their own words, "desperately" needed support with some fresh marketing inspiration and needed it asap.  We will call the owner "Jane Doe" for respectful anonymity.  I quickly followed up and spent a good two hours in person with Ms. Doe with my customized questions and conversation to understand her, her needs and the project ahead of me.  

We parted agreeing that I would come up with two proposals:  one that encompassed everything Ms. Doe would need and a fee to go with it,  and a second one that was less costly to her, but pared back in scope of duties. I assured her that both of these were to serve as a springboard for dialogue and once she reviewed them, I was happy to edit and tailor them a bit more if needed.

Drawing up any proposal - if done thoughtfully - takes time and effort- and time and effort for which you are not compensated and for which there is no guarantee you will be hired to do the job.  It can be a great gamble.  And if you are in business for yourself, this gamble is part of the cost of doing business.

As was true to my word, I sent the proposals to Ms. Doe.  I waited a week and followed through, checking to see if she had time to review them and what her thoughts were.  It was a week before I had the courtesy of a response (and no, she wasn't out of town) to my initial check-in email.  This is always the first red flag: someone who cannot give the courtesy of any response (not even one to say she was too busy)  within 48-72 business hours.  They may be busy.  As am I.  They have insane schedules and obligations.  As have I.  How someone treats you at the beginning is more often than not an indicator of how your working relationship with them will be throughout the upcoming process.  If someone's workstyle does not support your work or your deadlines before you've even started work together, how will they be during the actual working arrangement with you? Who will end up looking bad in the end? You will.  So how someone treats you at the beginning may, in fact, be tied into what kind of success you have performing your duties for them downstream, and ultimately, your reputation and future business could also be at stake.

As a professional who also knows that being patient is often required when working to earn new business, I sent a second follow up and received a hurried response that she had been too busy and had not had the time to review my two proposals.  Having empathy and wanting to be patient (within reason), I didn't push.  This went on for over a month.  Once a week, I would drop an email asking how I could answer any questions on the two proposals sent to her (there is a fine art to staying in front of someone and being assertive and harassing them, so I have found that once a week can be a reasonable amount of time).  I finally decided to let it breathe (i.e. not have any contact) for one month.  When I reached out , my approach was that I was circling back around "one last time" as my work schedule was about to tighten up and I'd have no availability soon to do either proposal if she decided to hire me.  I quickly got a response asking to discuss my proposals. I gave my availability to do so and gave my detailed availability for the exact day she requested to talk, to which her response was "what's your availability"?  Clearly she did not even read my two line email responding specifically to her question.  So far, the pattern was me constantly scrambling, making all the effort, and not one effort was being made in return for a basic professional courtesy reciprocation of any kind. 

I gave one last-ditch courtesy effort and said that my availability was just in the email sent that was responded to, and suggested that perhaps she had missed it.  One week later with no response at all , this potential relationship was put to death for good.  I gracefully and tactfully bowed out of future work with this individual citing my lack of current availability and wishing her well.

 And with all respect to Ms. Doe, perhaps there really are things that are requiring her attention and I respect that.  No hard feelings.  But I also respect myself and know the value of my work and my time.  And I know that given the pattern with Ms. Doe and the painstaking patience and courtesies extended to her over a more-than-reasonable timeframe without reciprocation or mutual respect are a clear indicator of how our working relationship would be - if , in fact, she actually ever went to contract with me.  I also know that all work is a collaboration and her behavior right here on the onset indicates I would be set up for failure,  and I cannot take that risk.  That's not to say she is an evil person.  Just someone whose work style I clearly see will not allow me to shine and do the job for the reputation for which I'm known.  

The expression, "when people show you who you are the first time, believe them" is hyper critical in business.  If you keep holding out hoping the client will "come around" because you are so desperate for the business, consider this:  you will actually lose money taking on clients like this: your work will suffer because of poor communication and work style ethics  from them, and you will miss the opportunity for better-paying clients who allow you to shine and your business to grow.  

Someone once  said that "best indicator of future behavior is past behavior".  Learn what the signs are for you, trust your instincts, be as generous and patient as you can, but also know at what point it's time to move on to make room for the clients who truly value you and also are ready to pay you what you're worth with little to no effort.  It really does exist.  And you attract it by standing up for your worth in the small things.  
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Engaging Inspiration provides marketing, training, leadership and strategy for the thinking special event and hospitality business professional